How to Cope with Grief During the Holidays
The holidays have a way of magnifying what’s missing. The holidays are challenging for many, even in typical years. Feelings of loss, of those who are no longer here, of what never materialized in your life, of financial insecurity; along with unresolved conflicts are common experiences during this season. The world sparkles with lights, music, and togetherness; under the best of circumstances it can be a lot of pressure. Grief can make the season feel like something you have to get through rather than something to look forward to.
The first year after an acute loss, particularly when the holidays approach, can often feel like a blur. For the bereaved, it is frequently the second set of holidays that provides the necessary space and perspective to address key questions, such as which traditions to maintain, which ones to modify, and how to intentionally incorporate the memory of the person who died into their holiday observances. It's completely understandable if this describes your experience. You are not alone if you feel like you're simply white-knuckling your way through the holiday season. While developing healthy coping tools is an essential part of grieving, sometimes the reality is that you are quite literally just "getting through." Try to remember that there is no timeline in grief and you will sort out many uncertainties over time.
At Awakened Grief Care, I help people in Boston navigate seasons just like this. The holidays don’t have to be about pretending to feel joy. They can also be a time for quiet reflection, gentle connection, and honoring the love that continues to live within you.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Hard After Loss
Grief often feels heavier during the holidays because of the sharp contrast between inner and outer worlds. You may be surrounded by messages of celebration, yet feel sadness, irritation, or emptiness.
Traditions and rituals that once felt comforting can suddenly feel painful. The simple act of hanging an ornament, cooking a favorite dish, or attending a gathering can stir memories and longing. It can also bring up guilt; the feeling that you “should” be doing better by now. These experiences don’t mean you’re going backward in your healing. They’re reminders that love and loss are deeply intertwined. Feeling grief amid celebration is part of being human.
Honoring Your Grief Instead of Avoiding It
Grief has its own wisdom, even when it feels unbearable. When you give yourself permission to feel what’s true, you honor both your pain and your love.
Consider small ways to bring your person or your loss into the season:
Light a candle in their memory.
Write them a letter or include their name in a toast.
Create a small ritual, like a walk, a song or a meal they enjoyed that keeps their presence near.
These acts don’t erase the pain, but they can give it form and meaning. In grief counseling, we often create new rituals like these together, helping you find ways to stay connected without being overwhelmed.
Setting Boundaries and Redefining Traditions
It’s okay to do less this year. You’re allowed to say no to invitations that feel draining or to leave early if your energy fades. Grief takes time, and your body often knows your limits better than your mind does. Being flexible with yourself is key.
You might also find comfort in creating new traditions that fit where you are now. Maybe that means spending the day quietly, volunteering, or celebrating in a smaller way.
If guilt arises when you make these choices, try asking yourself: What would feel nourishing this year, even if it looks different from before? Sometimes caring for yourself means breaking the old pattern and trusting that love remains, even without tradition.
Caring for Your Body and Spirit
Grief is physical. It can show up as exhaustion, tension, headaches, or changes in sleep and appetite. During the holidays, when routines shift, it helps to anchor yourself in small, steady acts of care.
Drink water and eat regularly, even when your appetite is low.
Rest when you can; fatigue is a normal part of mourning.
Move your body gently, through walking, stretching, or deep breathing.
Your body is doing the work of grieving, too. Listening to it is a form of compassion.
Reaching Out for Connection
Isolation can intensify grief, but connection doesn’t have to mean crowds or forced cheerfulness. It can look like meeting a friend for coffee, spending time with someone who listens without trying to fix, or joining a local support group.
Therapy can also offer a grounding space to navigate the mix of emotions this season brings. As a grief counselor in Boston, I help clients make sense of their feelings, identify what kind of support feels right, and explore ways to move through the holidays with more gentleness.
You don’t have to face this time alone. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation if you’d like to learn more about how grief counseling can support you through the holidays.
Hope Beyond the Holidays
If this season feels especially heavy, know that it won’t always feel this way. Grief changes shape over time. The ache softens, even if it never fully disappears. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means allowing love and loss to exist together.
